The coming pointless feast of flesh

Once upon a time there was an evil swarm of highly aggressive, microscopic, flying chigger-like insects whose bites burned like blazing, blood boiling grease fires. These flesh hungry beings normally sleep peacefully underground in our magical mountains, but every June they arise to feast on the living for several weeks, until their blood thirst is quenched, or the rainy season begins. The locals call them the "no see 'ems" however for me this describes most bugs, so to me they are "the bane of my existence!" or "the bitey bugs." I have heard that they're part of the mosquito family, but i would gladly ask mosquitoes in for tea and lovely conversation, and find them to be quite pleasant before even remotely considering tolerating the existence of the bitey bugs. If Billy were here, this is where he would start telling me how they're actually very intelligent creatures and an integral part of our local ecosystem. I don't care, i hope climate change hastens their demise. As our neighbor Sunshine says, "If there was only a button to make all no see 'ems go extinct instantly" he would not hesitate for a moment before mashing it with all of his might. And i would gladly do the same. Oh, and did i mention that they are repelled by nothing, and unlike chiggers, who are content to only bite along your sock and underwear lines, these wretched bitey bugs will bite anywhere. We're talking legs, arms, torso, eyelids, the inner parts of the outer ear, underarms, genitals, no parts are sacred, and mere clothing will not shield you from their wrath. There are a few local ladies who make homemade herbal ointments that supposedly repel them, but i have tried them and one seems to ease the flaming itch pretty well, but nothing stops their need to chew. I have also hear that taking tons of B vitamins with beep their teeth at bay, so i am trying this now, and will report back later after their reign of carnage has waned. So now there is nothing to do but count the days of relative peace while the dark cloud slowly begins its assent over our beloved wooded mountains. Soon we and the dogs will be huddled inside around our swamp cooler waiting for the danger to pass and the great rains to come once more.